Clear the past and move on!
Updated: Oct 16, 2019
Life happens. It happens whether or not we feel ready for it. It happens whether we are young or old. I decided to share some of my traumatic experiences I encountered because they do happen. These experiences do not have to define us or limit our lives. Can we still see the good? Can we still feel life full of opportunities?
My story is one of many out there, but not one story is the same. I am not going to pretend that any of this is easy. It wasn't for me and there were plenty times when I felt that I am done with this life thing. There was something in me that was stronger than that feeling and made me a fighter. Some turn within. I gained a voice and a fighting sprit. As you follow me on this new journey you will see why I didn't give up. The irony is that my fighting was always to help change life for others and recently I decided to change life for myself. What is different? I found the worth in myself. As a child fear led my actions and throughout my life I allowed fear to guide and limit me. Trauma can really change us but as you will see it can also launch us into an amazing new beginning. However, the courage it takes to live is the courage it takes to clear the demons we hide and carry. In a way I'm tired of fighting to make life work and I'm embracing being open to change from a loving and open spirit. I fought so hard to try to control everything in my life until I realized control is an illusion.
I use ”fight” because this is what it takes sometimes. We have to find our fighting sprit and stand against our fears and stand up to others, but we also have to find the boundaries it takes to have a healthy life and healthy relationships.
Having a purpose gives us strength. Being a daughter, sister, mother, wife, aunt, and friend always gave me a reason to not give up. You see I always found a reason and purpose for others. Sometimes when it came to me, I simply froze, I ran, I stood behind the scenes. This made me aware of others, being an observant really taught me a lot about people. I started learning at a very young age that people have facades possibly working through their own demons. I grew up in communist Romania. We were part of an ethnic minority group of Hungarians. I learned I was different at a very young age. Community and society really reinforced these feelings. To make matters worse, at home, behind closed doors we were dealing with a very abusive father. Life seemed unfair but I felt it was up to me to not allow any of this to stop me from living. Living I did. I had a great imagination and ability to escape in my mind. I was elsewhere and always dreaming of a different world. I knew I belonged somewhere else. Little did I know how a walk home on a rainy day and a conversation with my father will change my entire life.
What are your coping skills? What gives you strength? .... I will share more of my journey.....